All your Wedding needs
12 May 2008
Wedding gifts can be awkward to arrange in a polite manner, as being too direct about your desires can come off as impolite or unappreciative. This has been a persistent problem for couples, as while expressing a desire for particular gifts may seem rude, it can be inconvenient if several guests are all gifting similar or identical presents. Many stories have been told of newlyweds endowed with a fortune in toasters after guest have been allowed to choose gifts without management. If you think your guests will value contributing a helpful present to your married life over their own pride in being asked for particular items, then there are several options open to you for wedding gift management.
Wedding Gift Registry
An early solution and now very common, a wedding gift registry at one store or several appropriate stores can give wedding guests a degree of choice when choosing a gift while organising purchases so that there are no double-ups. In terms of politeness, use of a wedding gift registry is so common that most people will think nothing of it. To avoid offending anyone, however, you may wish to include a postscript on your invitation that informs people where you are registered without insisting that guests shop there. Sometimes it's necessary to stock up on toasters to avoid offending your guests.
Online wedding gift registries are also becoming more common, and these can provide both a higher level of convenience a well as a greater choice of shopping locations. If you are expecting many wedding guests from overseas, using an online wedding gift registry will likely be much appreciated.
Gifts of money
Many cultures have considered gifts of money at a wedding as appropriate and preferable to specific gifts. Probably just as many have considered it unlucky or uncouth, and even more only consider gifts of money as appropriate from particular guests. In Australia, asking for gifts of money will generally be considered rude, but it is probably acceptable to mention it as a possible gift in your invitation. Considering the likelihood that some of your guests will be distant relatives that do not necessarily know much about you and your partner, suggesting that gifts of money would be acceptable and appreciated can help to avoid useless presents. Definitely do not suggest an 'appropriate amount' as it is almost certain that doing this would be considered inappropriate.
No gifts
If you can afford your wedding easily and have no need for anything in particular, then you may wish to suggest in your wedding invitation that guest do not need to bring a gift, or possibly require that they do not. While a 'no gifts' policy can seem like the best way to stop social politics, it does have the possibility to offend people who could easily get you a gift, while giving people the option of not bringing a gift can leave the guests who don't feeling terrible when other guests do.
One strategy is to ask that all guests bring a card that will mark their attendance, and to have these collected at the ceremony to be arranged as a centrepiece at the reception. The kinds of guests who like to give gifts that outdo everyone else will likely include a monetary gift within the card, but this allows such behaviour to remain discreet and not bother the other wedding guests. This somewhat distils the old adage 'it's the thought that counts' into a refined form where the guests are giving symbolic gifts of their good thoughts for the newlyweds.
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